Day 15 plus 16: The Yoga Hangover Tango

From Wikipedia: "In Tango, the steps are typically more gliding, but can vary widely in timing, speed, and character, and follow no single specific rhythm.  Because the dance is led and followed at the level of individual steps, these variations can occur from one step to the next.  This allows the dancers to vary the dance from moment to moment to match the music (which has both legato and/or staccato elements) and their mood." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tango_(dance)

I'm just over a sixth of a way through my challenge now.  Yah, that's sad that I had to go and do the math but this is that stage of any challenge of doing something consistent where fatigue, boredom, restlessness and MOOD seems important.  I have begun to question well pretty much everything.  I question myself, my friends, my choices, question the yoga and my approach to it.  I question my place in this world, do I belong, what am I doing here, how did I get here, where am I going next?  Notice how very few of those questions have anything to do with the present moment except that they are what I am pondering presently.

I reminded myself in my first class last night to TRUST in doing it the right way.  The thing is doing it the right way does not give immediate benefit or at least in a way that it registers to my mind and my eyes.  In fact, it does the opposite.  The right way is harder and looks sloppy because I fall out a lot at first and lose my breath and even some of my self-control.  It immediately challenges whatever ego I have.  I build muscles and the breath in order to maintain the posture longer.  I build for something that will happen in the future in ITS good old time.  I am sore from the right way.  I experience pain and question what could possibly be "right" about this.  All the while, I have to remember to not only to trust this process but to ENJOY it. This is fucking crazy.  How did I do this a year ago when I was 40-50 pounds heavier and never could grab my foot in standing head to knee, or get my hips between my feet in fixed firm, or get my knee to a 90 degree angle and hold it in triangle - and countless other things? I just had faith and when I didn't, I borrowed it from my teachers, mentors and fellow yogis - I let them take the lead.

Now I can do these things regularly and I still question whether this will work or not?  I built up all these reasons to have faith and I forget???  It must be the short-term memory loss thing mentioned in the BIKRAM 101 blog for why would someone torture themselves for 90 minutes and crave coming back the next day.  You forget the pain because of how good you feel.  What do you do when you don't get that feel good feeling though?  You wake up with the hot yoga hangover.  You begin the hydration process all over again.  You had cramps in your feet this morning.  You had shoulder tendonitis in the previous night's class (which miraculously is not there this morning???).  Your knees are sore.  You're irritable, needy, whiny. What do you do?

You do the Yoga Hangover Tango of course!  All right, maybe I'm delirious but this idea seems to be lifting my spirits.  Steps are gliding varying in timing, speed and character and follow no specific rhythm.  How do you know it's the Tango?  The close frame of each of the dancers to each other - the one form they make, how one dancer relinquishes the lead but yet both follow each other intuitively.  The dance is highly individual and breathtakingly in the moment with variation in the steps, the music and the mood.

We glide through class with poise.  The timing, speed, and character (heat and energy of the room, teacher) change from class to class. There is a rhythm to the dialogue but it varies with the teacher and you never know what tempo will be taken or what new instrument (of torture!) will be added on a whim.  I keep a close frame to my partner(s) - who I was, who I am and who I will be - body, mind and spirit - and we dance.  We dance the TANGO.  The moods range from lover's quarrel, revenge, to exctasy and bliss.  The posture and the dialogue take the lead and the rest follows intuitively.  Sometimes we fall over each others feet and it takes time to lock into each other and find that intuition.  But when we do find each other, give way to TRUST and the MOMENT, no matter what the mood or the outcome, I am sure it is a breathtaking dance to watch.

Looking forward to the next dance now?