Days 5, 6, 7 - Back to normal and beyond

I'm on a little yoga high hence why I am writing this blog at 5 am.  I woke up at 4:40 wide awake.  Might as well get up and do something.  I got a little behind on my blogs and rather than a blow by blow I am just going to say that the past three classes have been phenomenal.  I'm not sure where its coming from perhaps that proverbial gas station.  I am reinvigorated with my practice and see hope of improvement after a long spurt of really nothing new.  You get out what you put in and I am returning to some old values I had in the beginning of my practice a year ago. 

I am reminded of how important the set-up in the posture it is, getting into the posture but slowly feeling my way to MAX-I-MUM, and equally how important it is at the end to turn it on and then HOLD it.  This tweaking makes a big difference in overall development and man I thought I wouldn't be able to get up from savasana at the end.  But then a few minutes went by, I absorbed my benefit and then float away on cloud nine.  Recovery feels better and is quicker too.  Again, the more honestly you put in, you get back twofold.

Randomly, I woke up this morning thinking about friendship and my mom and grandmother who passed away a few years ago.  I recently had a performance that was pretty important that no one I knew showed up to see me sing.  It made me question myself, friendship and my priorities in my life.  Kind of like if a tree falls in the middle of the woods and no one hears it - is it still sound?  Well, if I perform and no one is there to specifically hear me - is it still a worthwhile performance to me?  It made me think of the two people in my life who always came to my performances to hear me growing up- my Mom and my Grandmother.  Both gone now.   Being such a performer, it has been a challenge to re-learn how to just enjoy my craft regardless of result or expected judgement or even audience.  The parallel to yoga is so striking to me now and how it has helped me find that path. 

I keep trying in standing head to knee.  I'm pretty sure I'm trying the right way.  I fall out constantly, but I just keep getting back in having FAITH that one day I will have developed the muscles in my legs enough to lock the standing leg while supporting the weight of my rounded forward body and that I WILL be able to grab underneath the foot without doing funky things to make that happen.  I have the SELF-CONTROL to back off when it causes PAIN in my knees but the DETERMINATION to continue despite discomfort.  I have the CONCENTRATION to keep trying to lock the knee until the abs and hip flexors are strong enough to lift the raised leg to parallel to the floor without using the strength of my arms. Finally, I have the PATIENCE to keep trying until all is stable enough to then kick out using the power of the raised leg and core strength to lift the body to a flat back and finally THEN to round forward again to bring the head to the knee. 

All of these things I am not sure I would do just for the sheer result of creating this amazing picture of a posture.  To me, there is certain JOY (and equal agony LOL) in my daily duty to try.  I'm not a bad person because I can't do it and others can.  My ego need not be bruised.  I simply do my daily duty and, like the water wearing away at rock, the result happens.  These fundemental pathways to truth of FAITH, SELF-CONTROL, DETERMINATION, CONCENTRATION and PATIENCE can be applied in every part of life.  Having strived for learning how to sing all my life and perform, it is finally clear to me that these truths have been at work all this time and now I allow myself to enjoy my daily duty within it.

Geez, all this from 3 yoga classes.  :)