116/216: Savasana is good.

Wow, has this week not turned out like expected.  It just goes to show that expectations and bothering oneself with the future perhaps is not the best use of our time at the present moment.  Yes, I'm reading "The Power of Now" right now.  I've avoided writing this blog all day today.  I'm really not sure what to say and can't quiet explain why I'm happy. Who cares, right?  Happiness is so beautiful regardless of rhyme or reason.  I'm happy I'm not going to yoga tonight and just resting at home yet at the same time craving to go to class. Weird.  I've had such a rough week and just throwing everything up in the air and just spending time in only that which is delightful for me at the moment sounds wonderful.  The old me thinks it's a waist of time and the new me says this is exactly where you are going and your life journey is this way...

I sat out a good portion of last night's class.  I kept trying to get back into it in standing series and pride myself that I actually got in one good set of triangle.  I thought perhaps I would at least have a good floor series because there the dizziness doesn't affect the balance.  Well, my achilles started to throb after fixed firm and rather than keep fighting what my body was clearly tell me, I finally surrendered and laid in savasana until final breathing exercise.  I always used to think I was such a loser or a wimp if I laid in savasana but honestly, to lay there and just let my body heal was the best thing I could ever do for myself at that moment.  I could just feel the oxygenated blood circulating into the area and I sweat like crazy just laying there and breathing.  Someone mentioned to me they thought I looked like a wax figure as the sweat was just beading on me. It goes to show how just breathing can create heat in the body.

Too often sometimes teachers give the guilt trip for sitting out of postures but really how do you know that's not exactly what the student needs for that moment?  Sure it's "better" to get all of the postures but better is a relative term.  I had all the oxygen my healing body could take for one day, just what I needed for the moment or at least what I was willing to accept for the moment.  This is the key point.  I must concede that I am afraid and in unchartered territory for myself.  The thought that I can just enjoy a moment without thought as to the future or the past and that this has value is frighteningly wonderful to me.  That each moment I can choose to do what I deem best for me at that moment regardless of outcome, expectations, situation.  My god that is truly FREEDOM.  "Round and round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody knows."  That's in my head for some reason.  If anyone knows the rest of the rhyme, let me know.

I realize I am reiterating things I have been learning since January but for whatever reason it has clicked in a very real way for me.  So as my one friend said to me last night, "I am thankful for my pain" and ... savasana is good.