Day 21.5: Journey

There's a wonderful journal exercise I learned at Shakespeare & Company - "The Journey from Here to There".  It's easy to get discouraged when I look at the distance I need travel to get from here to "there" - whatever that is in yoga.  It's downright exhausting when I look at it from where I've come to get to what "here" is.  I guess I could choose to continue from this negative perspective.  I could choose a different vantage point.  I could choose to celebrate the amazing changes I have made in my life and continue to enjoy the activities and ideas which manifested these changes.  It's that type of celebration in the simple successes that helped me stay the course to where I am today. I had forgotten.  I had forgotten that progress is much healthier than perfect.  I had forgotten how many times I fell.  I had forgotten that patience builds character, something I was recently told I have - thank you CK.  I had forgotten that this type of change from the inside out is rarely linear and the "scorecard" is rarely a perfect 10.

I am behind 6.5 days.  I am very proud of these 6.5 days because I learned from them.  Now you must be asking - how come she is behind a half day?  Well, because I allowed myself to be creative and gave myself the room to be creative with what time I have.  I crammed as much as I possibly could in one weekend - all things I wanted to do and were incredibly important to me.  I didn't practice on Sunday and on Saturday I ran out of time to take class and had just enough time to do 1 set of everything from the Bikram CD.  I did it in my living room without heat.  I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of that practice and feel like though not a complete replacement for the "hot room" it is a worthwhile addition to a life-long practice.  It informs your muscles in a different way, just like a different perspective informs your mind.  Anyway, I will definitely start considering using this regularly in my practice. 

What keeps me going at this point with the challenge is my purpose.  My purpose is to find a way to have "this yoga" be a daily part of MY life.  Only I can decide how to make that happen.  It is my journey.  I'm looking forward to practice tonight.  It is hard for me to know whether I give a 100% effort sometimes because I have spent most of my life being overdriven.  What is a true, natural 100% effort that is reasonable for one human being?  Whatever it is, I am sure it includes love and compassion for myself not hate, guilt or self-loathing.  Perhaps, that is the barometer to any truth - L-O-V-E.