Day 34 and 35: Forgiveness

I did my Friday night class.  I remember not being hungry afterward.  Nothing significant to report other than finally no back pain and I'm ready to add sit-ups back in again.  I do still have sharp pains in the left heel, oh well.

No yoga on Saturday.  I had a marathon trip flying down to Maryland, driving to and from my sister-in-law's place and back in the same day for a graduation party for my nephew.  I ate too much.  Sadly I had TWO pieces of chocolate cake with white icing (my favorite) along of course with Lebanon Bologna.  If you've never had you must try it, but beware it is very hard to have just one piece.  It's a Pennsylvania dutch thing and it is SO good.  Can't get it up here.  Anyway, needless to say, I ate WAY too much and because of my heel I opted out of playing volleyball which I really would have liked to do.  I'm tired of being limited by my body.  By 3 pm, I was longing to be in the hot room and missed my yoga. 

Sunday's class, though I was tired and not feeling it, was rather good.  Sit-ups went fine.  The heel wasn't as painful and the teacher ensured me it's just the body getting rid of the junk and I agree.  I don't want to hold onto this junk anymore but I am impatient.  I was super sleepy afterward and napped most of the night rather than "accomplish" anything.  Oh well - who says I need to be accomplished? Hee, hee.

It occurred to me last night that it's not the yoga's fault that I am realizing that my life isn't the way I want it.  I am making changes and they are good ones though I find it hard to keep my spirits up sometimes.   I want it all fixed NOW, NOW, NOW!  Temper tantrum ensues.  I suppose it's difficult to NOT turn my disgust with the lifestyle onto myself.  I saw some pictures of myself from 3 years ago at the party and wow it is completely evident that I've made some changes.  I've lost over 75 pounds since then.  I look like I lost half of myself.  More importantly though I remember how I thought and how I felt then and I have greatly improved my mental/emotional state.  For the first time in my life, I'm not ashamed or guilty about those pictures.  I'm sad for that person who lost two important people in her life and didn't know how to truly care for herself and held onto everything in order to find stability at least somewhere.  I FORGIVE HER.  I forgive the her from then but do I forgive the her from now?  You know the one who still can't do some of the yoga postures she's been trying to do for the past year  and a half (some not even close) and STILL has another 25 pounds to lose and oh yeah, sadly ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake at a party and new better than to do that???  You know, I think I can find it in my heart to forgive her as I know she is truly doing the best she can under extraordinary circumstances.