100/188: Yellow Rose of Texas

Last night's practice was weird for me.  I was reading Eat, Pray, Love before I left for class and I was at the part in the book where she is happy with the place she has rented in Indonesia and how she was giving names to all the flowers in the garden there since she didn't know that names of them, incredibly creative names.  I guess I just had gardens and flowers on the brains and I just let my imagination run wild in that class.  I became a yellow texas rose with its flower petals blooming to the sunshine of the teacher's voice with my roots digging their heels (quite literally) into the sand.  This image started in half moon after a very wild and restless pranayama but the image calmed me and kept going until the very end of class.  I was constantly furling and unfurling to the sun.  To think of stretching like a leaf is reaching toward the sun is an excellent analogy.  It's a very efficient process - no herking and jerking, no grunting and pushing - just constant reaching for the sun.  Nature has a way of finding a way and particularly through adversity so I am not painting a picture of constant bliss and peace and non-attachment here.  There is honor in reaching for the sun particularly when one is in the bottomless pit of the forest of emotions or fatigue.  However, the effort is no longer a pressure from the outside-in but a natural longing and yearning for what is best for us for that day.  I remind myself that the higher one reaches the firmer one must resolve to continually renew the foundation.  I also remind myself that roses and rose petals to be specific are delicate and one must be gentle with a rose.

What foundation of my yoga practice shall I renew?

• Breath.  I will always return to the breath.  Long, deep inhales - slow deep exhales during savasanas; normal breathing in postures.  In and out through the nose.  No exasperated huffing and puffing and sighing and groaning.  If I lose the breath, I've gone too far and it's time to back off.  The breath is life to myself and the fuel for the posture.  Desparate for breath=desparate for posture=ego=greater possibility of injury. Calm and easy breath=calm and easy posture you could maintain for what seems like forever=no need for ego=greater possibility of deepening the benefits of the practice and reaching further into the sunlight.
• The right way of the posture, step by step.  This is where the ego is such a bugger.  If I am reaching for what is best for me then how far into the posture I go should not matter.  Renewing myself to as much of the right way as possible for the day and having the presence of mind to stay there until I am relaxed into the strength of that place to then move further.  Step by step though is the bugger.  To stay where it is uncomfortable for me in the first or second part of the posture whilst everyone else moves on takes quite a bit of surrendering the ego.
• Pada Hastasana (Hands to Feet Pose) is a perfect example for me.  I am trying to hard to get those elbows behind the calves and keep them there.  I get it but it's uncomfortable.  I've got too much tummy and the muscles I do have under there fatigue quickly.  Oh, how I must suck my stomach in and also how tired my calves and ankles get in this awkward position.  But then my ego (and the dialogue) says pull, pull, pull and lift your hips and lock your knee.  I listen and lose the good form (the right way), my shoulders come up, my wrists filet out.  Sure, my hips come up, my head gets to somewhere on my shins which I'm sure is not low enough.  What would happen if I just stayed in the first part of the posture and maintained the right way instead of following my ego and the rest of the dialogue?  Perhaps, I would actually build and learn to stretch those muscles in my abs and my calves not to mention, the biceps, fingers, wrists and the scapula to actually maintain the correct form and THEN move on to the next part of the posture. It's just a thought, an experiment, an idea that would be worth a try.  I mean what is a few classes out the many I will do in a lifetime to try a little experiment?
• To Thine Own Self Be True.  And be HONEST about it.  If I try the right way even 1-3% and to the best of my abilities, I get benefits, right?  That's great.  So what is that per day?  How do you measure?  There's a lot of Type A's out there in our style of yoga (CN I <3 U) and being the overachiever, serious student that I am, it's super hard to tread that line of doing your best to doing your beyond to ending up doing nothing even remotely close to your best and feeling pretty crappy about it.  I'd like to get off of that ferris wheel that leads no where thank you very much.  It's hard to be truly honest with oneself.  But this is yoga too.  Everything is yoga.  If I am tight one day, if I am tired, if I have injury, blah, blah, blah - it doesn't matter what excuse there is - can't I still practice my yoga somehow?  See first two bullets.  But then there are days where yoga requires you not to practice and that is ok too.  Sometimes my yoga calls me to sing, to run and play outside, or spend time with friends and family, and yes it even sometimes calls me to do my laundry and clean my house :( Can we say could I please go back to the torture chamber it's so much better than cleaning, or going to work, or dealing with people I don't want to deal with!)  Sometimes it's easier to just go to class but the hard way is normally the right way, right?  Sometimes you can do both.  Sometimes you can do more than you ever dreamed, beyond your wildest imaginings.  Sometimes just a leap of faith is all it takes for the universe to respond "YES!" and it simply waits for your leap of faith.  Not a leap of faith in something else but in trusting the truth of myself.

I've decided that my daily duties ARE a part of my yoga in this great union of life here on earth but I must be HONEST.  What is most important to me?  What is the best for me at the moment? If all I truly have on this earth is the moment, then I intend to make the best of each moment as I go along - oh, and keep going along not getting stuck in past moments.

OMG - this all came from a little meditation in a 90 minute yoga class where I was thinking about flowers rather than the postures that I "should" have been thinking about!

I am a flower petal blooming and one must be delicate and gentle with my Yellow Rose of Texas but not forget she's a persistent flower digging her roots in the sand to survive the hottest of conditions  - and I'm not talking about the temperature in the room.