120/227: Welcome to my laboratory... cackle, cackle, cackle

A little bit of silliness for this morning.  Yoga has become this laboratory  - the Great Experiment of life.  I'm looking at it these days in that way.  I guess that's why yoga is everything.  I miss the good ol' days when I could push myself, set up a routine, make lists, and be strict, have expectations, deadlines, and unrealistic goals.  The universe will not let me anymore especially when I know these things aren't good for me... right now or maybe never... or maybe in limited use in the future???  All that is important is that I learn to love myself in the best way possible.  Anything can be used as a weapon for hurt even the most benign things like routines and lists so I tread carefully now experimenting with constantly asking myself "is this a loving way to treat myself" AND trusting that whatever works for now is the right way for now.  I am learning to trust one foot in front of the other.  All of which is relative and ever-constantly changing.  Staying in the present is difficult.  What presently do I decide to do, think, feel?  Not about things in the past and not about things in the future.  Just for now.  Whew.  

I used to ask questions like "will doing this get me to my goal"?  I lived by this question and honestly that deck of cards has just fallen down everytime because what will the goal be tomorrow?  Will it even be there when you get there?  Will YOU even get there?  What goal can you come up with that is more important than loving yourself today and in every moment?  I can't think of one goal more important.  Not weight loss, not making money, finding a rewarding career, having children, saving the whales, world peace...  all of these things are results born of loving ourselves in each moment.  I'm starting to think of them as connections along the way rather than destinations and things to achieve.  It's seen quite often that people make goals for themselves and once they get there, find they aren't fulfilled, like so what?  Why did I do this and for what?  However, I can't imagine ever having those type of disappointing questions if one acts each moment out in love for themselves.  To thine own self be true... and be love.